The Brain Tumor

I always marched to a different beat. I was the class clown and Student Body President in high school. I graduated college when I was 34. I ran away with the Circus twice, to be a casino dealer in Vegas and then to pursue a career as a statistician and writer of Major League Baseball. When the doctors discovered a softball sized brain tumor on the left side of my head, I was only 40 years old. My life changed drastically but I don't believe in coincidences.

The doctors tell me that the tumor probably grew for three to five years. They do not know what causes these tumors, so I guess I was just one of the lucky ones. My doctor wouldn't even give me the odds of morbidity so my guess is that it was quite serious. While it gave me a few laughs, it was no joke.

The night the doctors discovered the brain tumor from the MRI of my brain, I was elated. Going into the MRI, I was 40 years old, married and had a eleven year old daughter. I had spent the previous year having problems keeping a job, explaining things, even understanding my beloved comic strips, which I faithfully read every day. I knew that at 40 years of age, I was firmly entrenched in middle age, but nobody had warned me it was going to be this tough. I was in counseling to determine if I was suffering from depression even though I had spent nearly all of my 40 years being generally happy and satisfied.

When the doctors read the MRI and told me I had a brain tumor, I smiled! They did not allow me to drive home because of the tumor. They called my wife to pick me up. As she walked down the hall to my room, she could see me sitting on the bed waiting for her with a big smile!

She came into my room and the first words out of her mouth were, “They haven’t told you yet, have they?”

I replied, “Yes they have! Isn’t it great?”

“What is great about having a softball size brain tumor? You're crazy!”

“I am not crazy. And I am not suffering from depression. I have a brain tumor! Either they can fix it or they cannot. With depression, they have no idea how to cure it! I could be depressed for a week, month, year or the rest of my life. They are clueless when a depression will go away. I’m one of the lucky ones! I'm not depressed! I have a brain tumor!”

And so, my greatest medical adventure began.

It has certainly not been easy. Removing a softball from your cranium is never easy. However, I had a great doctor and great health insurance, which everyone should have.

I had my problems. The tumor had grown slowly, forcing my entire brain into one side of my head. Before the surgery, I had difficulty walking, talking, reading and writing. The doctors would not tell me anything about what to expect post surgery. I could wake up drooling with brain damage so bad I would need to be fed. On the other hand, I could wake up very normal. The doctors thought the answer lied somewhere in between. I doubted "normal" since my pre-tumor life was hardly normal.

The first thing I realized when I woke up from the surgery was that a tube was jammed into my throat. I could not speak. I could not ask about some of the important things in my life like how my daughter was, how the surgery went, did the Rockies trade for anyone or if the Broncos made it to the Super Bowl.

The weeks and months following the surgery I spent visiting various therapists to relearn how to walk, talk, read and write. More than ten years after the operation, I still have difficulty reading, understanding and concentrating. Sometimes I can fully understand a concept. Other times a simple concept will elude me. Because of my inability to concentrate and understand, I am on disability from my last employer.

My life and mental health have definitely changed. I appreciate life so much more now. My son was born about twenty-two months after the surgery, so some things were unaffected by the brain tumor. I spend all the time I can with my son. Watching him grow is a supreme pleasure that words cannot adequately describe. I love just watching him play with his friends, running around the amusements parks, exploring the museums and just being a child. I can't imagine the Universe giving me a better gift!

My daughter went to college and is now in her second year of law school. I wish she would visit more often, however, that is a common lament among parents. Because of insurance and Social Security, I do not have to worry about my next meal or the house payment. I have other concerns in my life, but nothing actually worth worrying about; another gift from the Universe.

Unless I hit the lotto, I will never be rich. However, I have already hit the life lotto. I have great friends from childhood and adulthood who visit me. I would not see them as often if I were not lucky enough to have had a brain tumor. I am watching my son grow to be a man, spending time with him that would make most parents envious. That is another opportunity I would not have if I were not lucky enough to have had a brain tumor. I am a friend and family millionaire because I hit the brain tumor lotto. I may not have the best life in the world, but I tell you one thing - nobody has it better than me!

Thank you Universe! You gave me one of the good brain tumors and I am grateful!