Friday, December 30, 2011

The Same Old Thing

I’m still full from Christmas feasting. My ex, my daughter and my sister all made sure that I had too many of my Italian favorites to digest quickly. Anyone who knows me knows that my digestive track already has a full schedule without the holidays. All my Italian favorites have put the system on overtime!

So now I sit back, wallowing in the tryptophan flowing through my veins. It’s time for the New Year’s celebration. Over the last couple of decades I’ve had the tradition of partying at home. Sometimes it’s been a big block party and sometimes it’s been a quiet night of sipping suds while watching Dick Clark look like he hasn’t aged in forty years. I feel very safe. No driving; just imbibing.

New Year’s Eve and Day is my definition of bittersweet. It’s sweet because it offers us a fresh start to a new day and a new year. To borrow a phrase, it’s the first day of the rest of our lives. Who’d’ve thought? We can learn from the failures of the past year, reflect on our successes while making plans of having an even better next year. I usually do this while watching televised sporting events I couldn’t care less about. I’m also consuming mass quantities – think Coneheads - because tomorrow all will be well as I put the diet resolution into effect.

The bitter part is that it’s time to make the dreaded New Year’s resolutions. In my younger days I was much more ambivalent about New Year’s resolutions. It was something I did, not something I meant! What happened to me?

Well first, I’ve noticed that along with ninety-nine being the percentage protesting the rich on Wall Street, that’s also the percent of resolutions I haven’t followed through on. My resolutions have included a diet since the 60s, quitting smoking since the 70s, staying sober since the 80s and being a better dad since the 90s.

I think I’m a better dad but the resolution really doesn’t have much to do with it. I am more sober now but that’s because hangovers hurt more than they used to. I finally quit smoking after a few decades of burning holes in more than one shirt, not to mention smoldering my lungs. However, the diet resolutions of the 60s usually last until about noon on New Year’s Day or until half-time of the first football game, whichever comes first. By the next day, I’ve forgotten all about the diet resolution. I’ve got things to do, people to see, places to go. No?

I have met people who successfully implement diets, quit smoking and stay sober. Curiously, I don’t remember even one person telling me that it was because they made them their New Year’s resolutions. I think resoluting – that’s not a word but I think you know what I mean - is just something we do because everyone else is doing it. Failing to keep our resolutions is as American as baseball and apple pie. So this year I’m going to make resolutions that I can keep. Here goes, and please stop that. I can tell the difference between actual laughter and snickering.

In 2012, I resolve to eat only enough food to be sated; most of the time; but certainly not during holidays; or picnics; or Fridays.

I resolve to drink much less and not at all when I’m driving or going to be driving. Now this is a resolution I can keep. I’ve done it for years. I find the key to making successful resolutions is testing them in past years.

I resolve to be more patient this year. I resolve to be more kind and generous and generally a better human being. I resolve to make fun of the Rockies less, politicians less, and Wall Street less. But I reserve the right to criticize them just as much as I ever have! I resolve to be taller. I resolve to have more wealth. I resolve to have people enjoy my singing more. I resolve to be a much better citizen.

This resoluting thing is tough. I’ll really have to think about this more. Please forgive me while I take a few hundred days to gather my thoughts and make a good decision. In the mean time, I wish you all a happy, healthy, safe and wealthy New Year! Most of all, I hope you keep all of your resolutions, if that’s what you want to do!